Please don’t play this game.

If I can offer you one piece of gaming advice, let it be that. Please. Please do not, under any circumstances, play this game. It will only hurt you.

This game is just horrible. The story is flimsy at best (and it comes from one of my FAVORITE books), the level music is repetitive and awful (every level gets about 14 seconds which then loops endlessly), the enemies are impossible at times (the beginning of the game is ATROCIOUS), the level design is HORRIBLE, the graphics (though passing for 2001) look so terrible now, and the game mechanics (both jumping and - somehow even worse - swimming) are probably among the worst I’ve seen in any game.

I’ll say it again.

PLEASE. NEVER. PLAY. THIS. GAME.

After hours of torturous, rage-inducing gameplay, the final levels and boss were probably the easiest in the entire game. The ending sequence made no sense and there was nothing interesting to the credits at all. I was supposed to play Alice: Madness Returns right after this, but I don’t think I can stand the possibility that the sequel to this game is just as horrible.

Trust me, I could write a lot more - for instance how there’s no checkpoint system except for completing an entire level and if you want anything better you have to quicksave through the WHOLE game - but it’s simply not worth putting into more than four words:

Don’t. Play. This. Game.

Oh yeah. Sixty-one. Woof.